Buried Memories
by goldenspringtime
Summary: What happened to Loki between Thor and The Avengers?
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Thor, Thor 2 or the The Avengers.

Summary: My version of what happens to Loki between Thor and the Avengers.

Warnings: for physical torture but not really descriptive torture however if you think that it's too much for the rating of T let me know.

A/N: This is part 1 of 2

Loki stared at the white sparsely decorated room he was in in distaste. Well it wasn't really a room so much as a cell. The windows showed the force which kept his magic inside the cell, he looked looked around himself sneering. He should be king it was what he wanted above all else in the world to rule. He had been rejected first by his fa- no not his father not anymore Odin, then by the mortals who should have considered themselves lucky enough to be ruled by a god but had instead banded against him. He would have been a good ruler too and everything would have been better under his rule.

He found himself looking at the hallways. No one came down here for him, only his mother had come to see him and even then she was an illusion, she was never actually there. Thor for all his promises that they were brothers no matter what had apparently finally given up on him. Loki scoffed, and thought to himself 'finally' or at least most of him did. There was a small tiny part of him that wished for Thor to come to him. Despite all the arguing he had done with Thor that they weren't brothers, a small part of him that Loki would never give voice to wanted his brother to not give up on him. Loki shook his head and pushed that part of himself further down so it would take longer to creep up again.

Loki instead focused on the wall. He was very bored in this little prison, but he made sure to smirk every one in awhile to make sure that the people who were surely watching him thought he was amused by the whole thing. He wasn't though and the longer he stared at the wall the more he started thinking about it again, the thing he didn't want to be thinking about.

It being the fact that his memories of what happened after he fell from the bitfrost and his memories till right before he came out of tesseract were kind of blurry. Or actually rather absent which was odd and a little alarming that he couldn't remember what had happened between the two events. His face was composed though didn't let on. He was meant a king after all it would do no good to let them know that anything was wrong. Besides even if he told them, he doubted he would be believed. However he was never one to let mysteries go undiscovered; he found himself trying to delve into the depth of his mind even as he feared what he might find there.

* * *

1 year ago.

Loki had assumed that when he let go he would die falling into the abyss, but it was much worse than that. It was cold, so very cold and painful too. The fall was much longer than he had expected as well, he didn't just fall for a few seconds or minutes but years. It was quite the long and painful fall.

During the first month of the fall Loki realized that the only reason he was surviving the cold was because of his Jotun heritage, which didn't well with him. The only reason he was surviving the fall and the pain was the fact that he was immortal. He doubted many people could survive this fall.

The fall at first was a catalyst that had made him even more deranged then he had been before. Not that Loki at the time had thought of it in those terms however. Loki had just thought of it as his inner demons getting more prominent and taking more of a toll. Loki was familiar with the inner demons as he had fought against his inner demons for hundreds of years. However eventually the madness ebbed and clarity for the first time a long time had taken place.

Honestly Loki at first preferred the madness, it had been easier, more comforting. He preferred the rage that had taken over his entire being leaving little room for anything else like grief, regret or rational thinking. The madness had been at the edges of his mind for so long. It was very difficult to actually see the events in the past when they hadn't been tinted with the darkness he had always saw them in. It was difficult to see that some of his problems he had created himself and had blamed everyone else for.

In fact for a long time although who knew how long in the void he spent in denial telling himself that he had done the right thing. However the denial hadn't lasted forever and he eventually had to accept the reality of his situation and his culpability in it.

* * *

When he finally touched ground, it had been unexpected since he had long ago given up the hope of ever being able to stop falling. Loki had always assumed that he would die in the void, thousands of years later when he finally died of old age. His knees buckled due to the fact that he hadn't eaten since before he had started falling which had been years ago? Decades? Centuries? Time had no meaning in the void and nothing changed. It could easily be any amount of time. He wasn't able to move at all due to the weakness. Even opening his eyes- which he had closed some time ago- took too much effort and eventually he gave up. Instead he focused on the ground, it was cold and hard but steady unlike the void.

He heard footsteps around him not long after and his heart leaped, he wasn't alone. In the past Loki had thought he needed no one but he knew better now. Anyone would be better then just being left alone with his grief and regret of his actions. He hoped it was his family and then he could finally apologize and maybe then they could be a family again.

Loki heard two sets of footsteps getting closer to him and this time he managed to open his eyes, albeit with considerable effort. What he saw made him freeze and he gave into his eyelids request to close again. Loki had never seen them in person before but Frigga had told he and Thor of the stories and had shown them pictures and he knew who they were. It was the Chitauri and more terrifyingly Thanos. He closed his eyes again in terror.

'What a pleasant surprise.' a voice sounded in his head and he couldn't hide the shiver that made his way through his gaunt body. Telepathy he hated it, it meant that he couldn't hide behind his smart words, even if he had the energy to speak which at the moment he didn't.

'It's been awhile since anything has fallen into the void.' he realized the second time the voice spoke that it wasn't just the telepathy that made him uneasy, it was also the darkness in his voice. Footsteps made their way closer to him and Loki wished he had the energy to move away from them Loki could practically taste the darkness coming from the figure and even though his eyes were closed he knew that the figure approaching him was probably Thanos.

'Why do you not speak?' the voice asked but from the tone of voice Loki was pretty sure that Thanos knew and was just taunting him. He wished he could curl into himself but even that required more energy then Loki had at the time. He felt something touch him and screamed inwardly, his body did not have enough energy to echo the scream. Thanos was in mind searching through his memories! He saw himself grow up, saw himself making every bad choice he had made that lead him there! Loki wanted to scream, he wanted it to end! It didn't though not for a long time. Loki just saw himself making the same bad choices that his mind had been replaying since the fall, only more vividly like it was actually happening. Eventually the hand released him and there was silence again.

For the first time Loki wondered what Thanos planned to do with him. Would he kill him? Would he do something worse? Loki felt himself being lifted up harshly without warning and felt himself being dragged across the floor. They were moving him. Why? What was going to happen? He tried to use magic but that too required too much energy, which he sorely lacked. Loki jerked slightly as his shoulder ran into something hard on the ground, and again when something hit his head. They were not being careful at all with him.

He eventually stopped and he managed to pry his eyes open just in time to see chains encircle his wrists. It left no doubt in his mind exactly what kind of chains they were as his skin was blue. He looked at the Chitauri who had put them on who looked slightly surprised, but reacted no further. The same Chitauri also chained his legs. Loki cursed himself for not trying something before he had been completely chained up even though he knew he didn't have the energy for it.

The Chitauri then disappeared from the room as and two sets of footsteps made their way into the room. Loki struggled to keep his eyes open even though all they wanted to do was close. Loki was in a room, an all metal room with nothing but a door which at the moment was ajar. If only he had enough energy he could slip these chains and ran away. Then again where would he ran to? The void again? He hated that there seemed to be nothing he could do. Thanos and another Chitauri walked into the room, he did his best to glare at them but glare was the best Loki could do and he knew that they knew it.

'Loki.' Thanos's voice echoed through his head he hated this he really did 'Silvertounge' he added with a malicious laugh 'I don't see anything silver about your tongue now.' Loki was only able to glare at him in response it was all he had energy for. 'It's been a long time since anyone has come into the void.' Thanos said repeated his statement from before 'You Loki you will be very useful.' Loki really didn't like the sound of that.

He wanted to know what Thanos meant by that but couldn't speak and wasn't sure if he wanted to know anyways. Instead he just thought as loud as he could 'I won't help you.' he could be defiant in his thoughts even if he couldn't actually voice them aloud.

'You will.' Thanos telepathically replied not sounded the least bit unsure of himself. Loki was slightly glad that apparently he could communicate using his thoughts since his body was too tired to speak. In fact that was when he again lost the battle with his eyes and they fell closed again. He didn't like that not seeing them, but there wasn't anything he could do about that at the moment.

'I won't. I won't help you. I know who you are, I know what you've done." he said glad that his internal voice was at least defiant.

'I know what you've done as well.' Loki inhaled sharply as Thanos touched him again and let him relive his worst moments again.

'Then you also know I'm a different person then the person who did all those things.' Loki hoped that he was different, he felt different. He hoped that if he ever made his way back to Asgard he could show others that he changed and that he wouldn't just fall back into old habits. However Thanos response chilled him the bone.

'That's easily fixable.' he was about to ask what Thanos meant but that was when the two sets of footsteps made this way out of where he was being held. They left him only with a deep feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.

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A/N: The second part should be up soon, sooner though if people review


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Avengers.

A/N: This was in crossovers but I moved it to Avengers.

He was not sure how long it was before he heard the footsteps again since his time in the void had destroyed his ability to tell. Loki felt himself being gripped tightly enough to bruise. Since the chains were still on his slender wrists stopped magic it would also mean that he would not heal normally either. Even though he could not open his eyes he knew it was Thanos because of his touch. Thanos's touch was so filled with darkness that it made him shudder.

'What do you want from me!' he shouted in his mind. Loki could practically feel the smile in his mind the malicious and dangerous smile.

'You will lead us out of the void.' Thanos's voice answered full of confidence. Loki wanted out of the void more than almost anything else in the world but he did not wish to release Thanos. However, he had a feeling that Thanos would not react well if he told him no. Normally in this kind of situation he would say something smart, but he was bound against doing magic and he was already too weak to even open his eyes for a long period of time. Also while he did not directly pose his thoughts to Thanos he was pretty sure that Thanos probably heard them anyways.

'It matters not whether you intend to help me you will regardless." Loki lightly shivered not liking that at all.

"No I will not." he said but at the same time he feared Thanos. Thanos was tricky, smart and ancient: three things that made for a very formidable opponent.

'You are quite the defiant one but you will obey me.' Thanos's voice said telepathically. Thanos left again and Loki wished that he knew what exactly Thanos had in store for him except for threats. It was only later that he his wish was not a particularly bright one.

* * *

Loki had been fed just enough to gain his voice back and his ability to scream aloud rather than just internally as knives glided their way through his skin. Due to the anti-magic chains his skin was blue and he no longer bled the red that he was used to and instead bled black. Loki screamed even as he tried to stifle the sound, but he only managed to for a brief periods before the screams like his blood came pouring out.

They tortured him, they tortured him every day. The only thing that he knew is that they they intended to make him lead them out of the void. Sometimes he thinks that he should just say yes, spare himself anymore pain. At the same time though his pride- what little he had left of it- would not let him. Then there were innocent people that would suffer. Loki did not care much for the Jotuns after their king- his father- had attempted to leave him to die as a child. A king is representative of their kingdom which was why he had tried to destroy them. Also if he was being honest they were a reminder of what he was that he had not wanted around. However there were other innocent planets that he did not wish to harm. All of that it barely able to make him keep his mouth shut and not give into what Thanos wants even if he's not exactly clear on the details at the moment.

* * *

Loki felt so weak so it took him several moments to realize that the chains which normally held him were suddenly not on him. Those few moments though were all it took for another pair of chains to be attached to him. He looked up at The Other the serpentine like man who seemed to enjoy his "work". Thanos was absent, apparently too busy to oversee all of Loki and The Others "sessions." Loki jiggled the chains as he tried to figure out what was different about these chains then the ones before. Loki looked up at The Other who gave nothing away, he never did give anything away.

"Why?" Loki barely managed to ask through his sore throat that to his surprise was less sore then it was a minute ago. The Other smiled at him, the other could speak telepathically as well but he chose to speak out loud most of time.

"Can you not tell me that you do not feel the difference?" That was when Loki realized that he did, his magic was no longer completely bound. Loki tried to do a spell to get the chains off him but it did not work. However his skin now looked Aesir again rather then Jotun. Selective magic blockers, it was something that Asgard had as well. It blocked certain spells but allowed others like the magic natural to every Aesir and Jotun, the ability to rapidly heal. Loki was not sure what to think about that. Surely they would not give him back his ability to heal and to look Aesir for no reason? He quickly found out the reason not much later. The other wanted to torture him beyond his ability to live without his ability to heal.

* * *

Time in the void was always hard to tell; so he was not sure how long he had spent in with the Chitauri when Thanos finally decided to grace him with his presence again. Loki only managed to throw a halfhearted insult at Thanos before curling into himself wondering if Thanos was finally going to take his turn. However Thanos just stared at him for a long time in a very unnerving way. Loki did not speak further than his insult because of his fear. Thanos stared at him, then started towards him. Loki due to his magic had more energy than he had the last time that Thanos had showed up and this time tried to scramble backward; he didn't get very far because the chains were not very long. Due to his chains it did not take long for Thanos to get in his face.

"You will help us." Thanos said speaking for the first time aloud. Loki shook his head but weakly because honestly after the months of torture there was a part of him that wanted to give in. There was a part of him that wanted to do whatever Thanos wanted Loki to do, the rest of the universe be damned. However, there was still a small part of that reminded him of his past mistakes and reminded himself that he promised himself that he would never make mistakes like that again. He was tired though and his brief scramble back had taken most of his energy. Thanos touched him again and he could only hear Thanos's voice which was louder than any other voice that he had ever heard before.

'Do you want to know why your going to help me?' Thanos taunted and Loki's face screwed up in pain. Thanos was too loud! He was in Loki's head and it hurt! "There a part of you that is very much anxious to help me, and all I have to do is wake that part up." Loki froze Thanos couldn't mean what he thought he meant. Despite the fact Loki had spent a good deal of time trying to turn himself back into the monster because it was easier, he realized now that he did not want to go back. That Loki had always been full of rage all the time. That meant that even when things were good he did not recognize it or enjoy it when it had happened. He didn't want to go back to that, back to being a big ball of rage.

"No." he whispered but Thanos just laughing loudly in his head. 'I have no use for you but _him_ I have use for.' as he said him images filled his head leaving no room for incorrect guesses of who Thanos meant by _him_. He saw himself plotting, and destroying, it was the most hated parts of himself.

"He is gone." he lied because he was not, in fact that Loki had been getting a little stronger because during his torture that Loki was stronger. The rage he felt had made it easier to go through the torture, he was the part of him that wanted to give into Thanos. How had he let that part of him get so strong again?

'You cannot lie to me.' was all that Thanos said. He knew it was useless to ask for compassion but he found himself do so anyways.

"Please Thanos, let me go." Loki felt the laughter in his head again and winced in pain.

'Why would I let go of what will free us of the void and get us back to our true purpose.'

"I will not help you and that Loki is gone." Loki said shaking his head slightly.

'He is not but even if he was I would bring him back.' Loki started screaming with every bit as much vigor as he did when The Other was torturing him. Not only was there physical pain, he also found himself flashing back to the memories again. The memories that had turned him so dark, and...crazy; because that was what he had been and Thanos wanted to make him that again. He fought against the memories but no matter how much he fought Thanos kept showing him the memories he wished to forget. That was not enough for Thanos though, he also twisted the memories as well. Sometimes it was something subtle, sometimes it was not so subtle. Loki tried to remember the real memories, but it was hard when he had been shown the fake memories more then he had experienced the real ones.

He could feel the monster coming back and the peace and clarity he had gotten slowly fade away. The clarity was being replaced with rage and anger at anything and everything but particularly at his family. The fools that had lied to him his whole life and whose 'father' had taken him to be a bargaining chip later in life. His brother had always overshadowed him. Thor had always done his best to keep him in the dark where no one would see him. The brother who threw him off the bitfrost into the void!

He frowned for a moment as he realized that that hadn't happened, he had let go. Loki's head again filled with the memory of Thor throwing him into the Abyss in which he found himself at the moment. It was Thor's fault that he was here suffering! Loki shook his head no that was not what happened. Loki screamed as the pain increased. He watched Thor throw him into the abyss again and again until he no longer realized that what he was watching wasn't real. It was done to several other memories as well. Each time a memory was altered the rage increased mounting up and up until it filled his entire being. The rage which had been immense at the time which he had fought Thor was nothing now nothing compared to what it was now. Because all his feelings of jealousy and rage had been amplified. He was as he used to be, only so much more. That was when Thanos stopping touching him and Loki glared at him.

"I will not be a tool in your war. I already stopped myself from being a tool in one war. I will not allow myself to become another." Loki hissed through his teeth the familiar rage keeping him company making him strong.

'Would you not like to show them?' Thanos asked but Loki was not one to manipulated, he was the one that did the manipulating. He would find some way out of this and he would take revenge on everyone on his own terms, he did not anyone else to get him out of here! He was Loki and he would find his way out! Loki knew that Thanos did something to his mind but Thanos did not seem to understand that he had made him stronger, better more able to resist whatever would be thrown his way.

'The Other will be back tomorrow.' Loki blinked and remembered the pain, the memories of the torture had receded slightly in favor of the memories that showed him exactly how much his family had betrayed him. He would be able to tolerate this new pain, even if he had a little trouble remembering exactly how he had tolerated it in the first place. After all he was Loki, and if he could handle his family betraying him at every turn then he could handle anything.

* * *

His previous memories of the torture had been somehow dulled slightly and had not prepared him for how bad it really was. Loki held out for as long as he could, trying to avoid being a pawn in another war but eventually the pain was too much even too much for him. He had conditions though, he was not going to get nothing out of this whole thing. He held up his hand and for a moment The Other stopped.

"I will lead you out of here but I have some conditions." Loki said confidently, even as he worried that The Other would continue punishing him until he no longer had conditions, but The Other stayed his hand for the moment.

"What do you want?" The Other asked.

"I want to rule earth." he said because somebody would have to rule it and while it was not Asgard like he wished, at least it would give him power and power was something he desperately longed for. "In return I will give you whatever you want." he said. The Other looked at him for a moment then left the room. "I will give you what you want!" Loki yelled desperately.

They left him alone for a long time after that, Loki had long ago given up trying to keep track of days. He did know that he managed to heal all the wounds that The Other had managed to inflict on his person including a particularly large gash across his chest. Loki heard his cell door open again and saw Thanos and The Other standing in front of him. He looked at them trying his best to hide his fear and anxiety. Would they accept his offer? Would he finally be free of this place?

"Do you accept?" Loki asked tiredly. There was a long pause then Thanos nodded and preceded to tell him what would be required of him. It took only a little planning since Thanos had done most of the work already.

Within the week he was was dressed for battle and ready to go. Loki was aware of what he was supposed to do and the punishment if he happened to fail. He found himself for the first in a different area of the ship that he was being held in and realized that where he was being held was indeed a ship. He realized that due to fact he that there was a large window in the room he was in and he could see the vastness of the void.

He was there for last minute instructions from Thanos before he used his magic to fling himself out of the tesseract. He was a little nervous about the whole thing but he did not let it show. The reasons why he was nervous was that the trip may possibly really hurt. While Loki was not looking forward to the traveling he was looking forward to the killing and the ruling of earth that was sure to come. He would make a great ruler, but since he was ruling under the Chitauri it meant that there would be no free will. Then again free will was not good for humans anyways, since they were always using it to hurt themselves. The Other had convinced him of that as well in their sessions.

Thanos and The Other made their way into the room Thanos holding the scepter. The scepter would be his, it would give Loki the power to control whoever he touched the heart of and would aid him in his battle to control and be king of earth. He had admit he liked the idea of controlling people, of holding that power over them of bending them to his will. Thanos handed him the scepter and Loki stepped back and took a few experimental swings with it to test its' weight. Before had only let him touch it a few times just to see what was going on on earth; which was how he found the location of the tesseract in the first place. Loki closed his eyes and focused on the tesseract only to feel hands on his head again.

"What are you doing?" Loki asked frightened as he opened his eyes to see Thanos starring at him.

'Making sure you remain on point.' Thanos said and he pressed his hands to Loki's head again. Loki's eyes widened as he briefly remembered the memories of before the clarity, the peace which had been dulled and was now being hidden. Leaving nothing but his decision and his rage. Loki faintly heard during the process.

"Why bury his memories?" The Other asked.

"So that he will remain ours and he will not falter, or try to do something that will ruin everything." The memory of the conversation was gone though the next moment along with everything else but a bad feeling about what would happen to him should he fail, his decision to go and his plan.

"Go." Thanos said. Loki blinked for a moment before he remembered his rage and what he was about to do. Loki nodded with a malicious grin.

"I will see you on the other side then." Loki said and used his magic to bring himself through the tesseract and onto earth.

* * *

Loki was just on the edge of it, he nearly dug deep enough. Loki blinked as he heard something odd he watched as a cell exploded clearing out any thoughts he had had about what he could not remember. Well this was going to be interesting he thought with a wide smile.

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